wednesday, may 5, 2004
11:30 p.m.

boa-jewel song
“he keeps saying...i will start my diet on monday, i will go walking on monday.....have you noticed monday never comes!”
-mommy

ah...yes...we all jus adore the fat lazy one known as my father....

and i am in a much better mood. shit sho much better. sho i ditched psyc yesterday and mi and melissa rented calender gurls, ate pizza and did nothing fur a few hours. i felt sho much better. then went to womens choir and had a blast with marie. then watched american idol and slept. lol. then today even tho we had vintage and anne park ish the plauge ob the soprannos.....*twitch* we spent the class holding kelly back cuz...she was gonna strangle anne...not that we like anne...ish jus that we didnt wanna disrupt practice too much......tha best thing was poor christen let out a scream after class cuz she actually sat next to anne....and it was fun to watch a group ob about 4 guys jump like hell.....and i also learned way too much about someonelses sex life....sho to say the least vinatge was....interesting

then i watched soaps fur 2 and half hours. and....ate....and gossiped with bachan

and tried to git the damn comp and scanner on speaking terms again...didnt work....*sigh* they need a dtr......lol.

and i came across a whole bunch ob stuff from high school on the comp...but didnt read it cuz i am in a gud mood rite now and didnt wanna git rilly depressed........

lets cee...oh. LISA!!!!! ur home.....wai didnt yew tell mi?! arg

the only drawback about this gud mood im in ish that mai composition fur friday.....ish no longer angry. *sigh* now ish jus a depressed song about a broken heart. yup. i had one ob those “a-ha” moments today and *poof* lyrics. oh well. whatever works.

and melssia ish mad at mi....ish not mai fault i got perfect on our humanities test....mwahahahahaha

and to finish off the long entry.....i stole this from kenjis live journal.....hehehe wai? 1. im bored. 2. lots ob typeing looks like im studying when mommy walks past mai room =P

o0o0o0o damn...two entries in one week. this ish weird.........

[the people]
_my father thinks i: i’m presumptuous, selfish, lack common sense.
_my mother thinks i: i’m more than just a bit odd...and gud fur entertainment value. =P
_my siblings think i am: something to be jumped on, a chef, and i am either rilly cool...or deserve to die....no inbetween
_my boyfriend/girlfriend thinks i am: if i had one......
_my best friend(s) think i am: i dun noe....errr....weird? nice? ahhh...i noe...short and pissy...
[three]
_best qualities: hard working, determined, want to help mai friends
_worst qualities: easily depressed, get lost in the past, can’t open up
_things you are often complimented for: my ability to seem cheerful, mai helpfulness at work, im a hard worker
_compliments you got that made you blush: lol. roger and poklewski saying what a sweetie i am, anything about mai voice, someone making a point of tracking debra down to say what a wonderful cheerful young lady i am....*twitch*
_things you get embarrassed by: people teasing me, singing solo, all last year being refered to as sweetie by pokleski..
_things that make you happy: friends, sleep, having fun.
_things that upset you: my dad, financial issues, being depressed (which ish like being upset about being upset.......)
[yes or no]
_you keep a diary: yep
_you like to cook: i lub to cook, especially when i dun burn it.........
_you have a secret you have not shared with anyone: hrm...hell yes
_you fold your underwear: omg.....yes....after working at victorias secret fur 2 months....ish engrained into mai poor little brain
_you talk in your sleep: i wouldnt noe.......
_you bite your fingernails: yes.....*sob*
_you believe in love: ob course
_you wish you could live somewhere else: HA!!!! anywhere but home.
_you believe in online dating: lol. after reading the online personals last week......lol. no. that ish not a group ob men i eba wanna meet.
_others find you attractive: i’m told im cute.....sho...maybe?
_you want more piercings: yes
_you want more tattoos: i dunnoe.....
_you drink: i lub a gud red wine
_you do drugs: neba
_you like cleaning: sadly yes...but only when i feel like it. i hate being told to clean.
_you like roller coasters: hehehe....whee!
_you write in cursive or print: microprint...ask amanda. =P
_you carry a donor card: yes
[last]
_movie you rented: calender gurls
_movie you bought: shit....i dun buy movies.......mommy and dad do....umm...andromedia......lol...sophmore year....lol. if ish a family owned movie....*sigh* haunted mansion.......
_song you listened to: boa-b.i.o.
_song you’ve downloaded: boa-jewel song
_cd you’ve listened to: boa-valenti
_person you’ve called: bachan
_person that’s called you: tha bastard
_TV show you’ve watched: american idol
_person you were thinking of: amanda
[have you…]
_ever cried over a boy/girl: yes *sniff*
_ever lied to someone: hehehehe......ummm.....yes....take this fur example....mai dad thinks i like him. mwahahahahaha
_ever been in a fist fight: once when i was a kid...and i kicked that bois ass
_ever been arrested: no
[what]
_shampoo do you use: loreal fresh vive
_perfume do you use: christian dior 1947
_shoes do you wear: anything tall
_are you scared of: loosing those i love.
[number]
_of times you’ve had your heart broken: once
_of hearts you’ve broken: none that i noe ob.......
_of people you’ve slept with: none
_of people you consider your enemies: hehehehe....hrm...this ish mi we are talking about...hrm......i dunnoe. especially if this can include ppl on mai shit list............
_of people from high school that you’ve stayed in contact with: quite a few.
_of cds you own: omg.....shit...lots
_of times your name has appeared on the newspaper: once.....if senior wills count. =P
_of things in your past that you regret: omg....way too much.....
[rule of fives]
_five details about you:
1. short
2. brown hair *sob* it used to be black i swear
3. half japanese, 1/4 irish, 1/8 italian, 1/8 german
4. kinda odd......
5. emotional
_five things you did today:
1. Woke up
2. got ready fur skoo
3. slept through two out ob four classes
4. prevented someone from comitting murder
5. watched tv
_happened last year:
1. got mai licence.....
2. second year at de anza
3. decided to git a second major.
4. made national deans list
5. had no life.......
_five things that everyone should know about you:
1. i dun open up about things.
2. im sentimental
3. i git hung up on the past.
4. i hate libing at home.
5. comment on mai height and it jus mite be tha last comment yew make....j/k
_five favorite songs
1. lena park-in dreams
2. gospellers-hitori
3. hyde-hello
4. speed-alive
5. amuro namie-can you celebrate?
_five favorite movies:
1. andromedia
2. spirited away
3. lilo and stich
4. finding nemo
5. shit..i cant think ob one....
_five people who mean a lot to you:
1. bachan
2. mommy
3. emerson
4. connor and caitlyn
5. Friends (like amanda, elaine, melissa, lisa, kenji, christi, prin......)
_five things that disgust you:
1. how some parents....like mine....dun feel the need to help out their kids
2. tha way the educational sytem ish in this state
3. tha way some ppl are sho fucking rich and stuck up that they think they are the shit. ( i work in los altos...they are fucking everywhere)
4. tha bathroom after connor uses it. *sigh*
5. how some ppl are total flakes and still get ahead in life
_five things that impress you:
1. courage
2. compassion
3. patience
4. understanding
5. creativity
_things that don’t impress you:
1. being full of oneself
2. putting others down to look better
3. flanting ur vast amounts ob money...like sho many ppl in los altos
4. skinny sluts
5. empty talent
_five things you can’t live without:
1. music
2. mai bed and mai blanket
3. mai comp
4. mai md
5. mai friends
_five things you’ll do when you complete this:
1. pretend i read for humanities
2. sleep
3. bs mai homework
4. try to figure out what i wanna do for mai composition fur friday
5. take care ob the dogs and crabs
_five things you feel right now:
1. tired
2. depressed
3. drained
4. anxious
5. lonely
=============
10 of your Favorite Bands/Singers
no order...
1. lena park
2. gackt
3. hyde
4. amuro namie
5. nakashima mika
6. speed
7. chemistry
8. yg family
9. sm town
10. gospellers
9 Things You're Looking Forward To
1. ppl coming home
2. sleep
3. no work today
4. mai next paycheck
5. getting out of de anza
6. nasa i hope........
7. having some fun
8. singing
9. sleep
8 Things You Wear Daily
1. pants
2. shirt
3. necklace.....lately ish been mai cecil mcbee one
4. something on mai wrist...either a bracelet or a hair tie
5. contacts
6. makeup
7. perfume
8. underware
7 Things That Annoy You
1. mai dad
2. not enuf money
3. this fucking heat
4. tha fact that there are ppl who are still asleep while i am in skoo
5. tha fact tha state wont gib mi money, but wastes the little money it has on the four rejection letters it has sent mi *twitch*
6. being stuck here
7. missing ppl
6 Things You Touch Every Day
1. mai comp
2. mai bed
3. mai hair
4. mai dog and crabs
5. a notebook or textbook
6. mai cd player
5 Things You Do Every Day
1. sleep
2. work in someway or another
3. homework
4. listen to music
5. pretend i like mai dad......
4 People You Want to Spend More Time With
1. bachan
2. emerson
3. the gurls
4. the bois...except neil...who i see practically every day....lol....sho..that leaves mark and kenji
3 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over
1. andromedia
2. lilo and stich
3. finding nemo
2 Of Your Favorite Songs At This Moment
1. lena park-in dreams
2. nakashima mika-yuki no hana
1 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With
1. i dunnoe......

-wow....yew read all that?-

Tuesday, May 4, 2004
7:30am

boa-valenti
“when my grandmother came to live with my parents, my mother stopped storing the rat poision in the garage. not that my father would actually take to poisoning my grandmother, but why temp fate? better to store the rat poison at cousin bettys house”

*warning: i am in the mood from hell sho be warned...this won’t be pretty or uplifting*

one work describes mai life rite now. and ish is ARG!!!!!!!!!!!

mai lord. i am sho fucking stressed and the sad part almost none ob it comes from skoo. given i have another composition due on friday...but beleive mi....it ish suppost to be angry and powerful....yup. no problem riting angry music rite now. but shit. the bastard STILL doesnt hab a job. mai god. ish been how many MONTHS!!!!!! shit i cannot take it. he ish in a constant bad mood. more than usual. and thats hella bad. mom ish pissed. cuz...duh...hes STILL not employed. yup. aint mai fault she married a bitter ugly fat looser. ARG. and sho much is waiting on this fucking job.
1. if he gits a job i git the car....given its a mercury but its better than mi paying fur mai own car
2. if he gits the job at stanford mai tuition will be covered cuz dependents git money fur skoo
3. must i say the sanity ob the family depends on it?!
but no......no word yet. and yet everyday he bitches about how i hab to be driven places cuz i dun hab a car. and within the last 5 days it has gone from the car ish yours, to probably yours, to yew need to save fur ur own car. *twitch* did i mention the car ish in the shop again? for the transmission...AGAIN!!!!! fucking a........and he doesnt like mai idea ob buying a beater civic....im talking like 10 years old fur like $500 bucks that may look like shit....but will run fur a couple ob years till im done with skoo...but noooooooo. ish mai money. he does shit. doesnt help mi worth shit. and he wants mi to git a jetta, or a mitsubishi.......2000 or younger. like hell. he wants mi to git a $10000 car. umm..no...i rather pay cash and git a beater instead ob that but nooooo. lets gib mi hell becuase he fucking feels i want his imput and that he ish the one spending the money.

and they still wont gib mi a damn cent fur skoo

and they owe me like $100 bucks.......

and...ARG

and i cant go down south with lisa to visit kenji and those guys. which breaks mai heart because i rilly miss them and i rilly wanted to cee tina.....i habent ceen mai babo fur two years. and i dun eben noe if i can go down with amanda and those guys to cee christi cuz i dun noe what the hell ish gonna happen. i dun noe if i am buying mai own car or if i will git the job at nasa or that any ob mai tuition will be covered. sho it looks like i wont go. which breaks mai heart cuz i rilly want to have fun...but cant. and i hate this shit

i am emotionally drained rite now. each day i go from happi to rock bottom. ish like the emotional state ob junior year again...and...that was not a gud place fur mi to be.......

shit ish like no matter what the hell i do i will loose. i work mai ass off...but no. whatever i swear. i want out but cant afford it. fuckin a...this ish mai life at the moment.

damn it damn it.

oh yeah. and i hab gotten the same fucking rejection letter from cal grants...umm...FOUR FUCKING TIMES NOW. i feel thoroughly rejected now.........*twitch*

ish like i need to count on the bad happening cuz at least then i wont be disapointed. thinkin positive ish not comin easy rite now.

k..off to watch american idol cuz then i dun hab to think cuz i dun wanna think cuz thought ish depressing....

arg.........

-you were warned-

Friday, January 23, 2004
02:27 p.m.

ARGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD DAMN ANNOYING PPL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*beware....major venting.....like....major....*
k....ppl in choir need to go away...or git their act togeter...cuz...mi and tori are gonna go on a rampage if they dont!!!!! i swear!!!!!!! they dun shut up, pay attention, or practice....k..mind yew i dun practice...but.....i noe enuf to not hab a fucking clue. but...but.!!!!!! ARG!!!!!!! i swear...they waste more ob out time. in a month we hab a competition.......we dun hab time to waste. we gotta work it and memorize...but if they dun shut the fuck up...ARG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

k...im done. rilly

k. im tired. i hab worked....either at work or with the bastard every day this week. i need a break!!! he needs to git a fucking job sho i can relax. arg. arg. arg

i talked to amanda tho....miss yew! and everyone else! i am dyin here. arg. i cant stand it. i swear. i...arg.

k. im done. i will write when im in a gud mood. i jus cant stand ppl . they are sho unprofesional.

-i rilly want some ppl to go away...-

Thursday, January 15, 2004
08:07 a.m.

amuro namie-put em up

k...i am a bad gurl.....one...i habent posted errr...this year.....and two...i bought cds i rilly didnt need...but they are shoooo gud! i bought gackt crecent and namie style. very gud. =) i can burn copies if anyone wants.

k...i am doing this fur the soul purpose ob pleasing amanda who sent mi a not so kind email last week.....happi? its updated! arg. =P ppl these days....

speaking ob these days...what hab I been doin? working. yup. at least i got a day off this week. yup. a whole day off. and what do i git to do? play mommi. arg. i gotta take the kids to skoo...pick em up and waste mai day. joy.......IM BORED!!!!!! mai lord. and and...the phsyco ppl are obertaking vintage singers. oh....mai....god. HELP MI!!!!!!! at least most ob the sops are gud.......ish the altos that frighten mi. lol. poor melissa.

i am bored. did i mention that? i did? oops......

had a gud day tuesday. hehehe. got the car went to kinokunia, mitsuwa, clover...hung out in the car listened to music, read mai magazine for half an hour. and had icecream fur dinner. yay healthy meals. lol. then i had to go to the choir of scary old ppl. ........arg

and that mai friends ish mai life rite now. jus bubbling ober with excitement isnt it?

or not. i didnt think sho either.

will try to post more..........

sho amanda doesnt kill mi.......

-lub yew all-